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Sunday, November 25, 2007
i just came home from Pangasinan. what does this mean? more than my failure to take the highly-desirable UPLAE, it means that i am now fully uncertain of what to do with my life. following the painfully overdue episode of confusion in my so-called life, my trip to Pangasinan can be considered as my intermission. i guess i needed the time to exhaust all of my frustrations for not being able to follow-through what i have so committed myself on doing. it will be disrespectful and morally-twisted on my part to seek relief on my lola's immediate need for attention due to her recent accident. but somehow, i'm glad i had a chance to escape the discombobulating world of career where underemployment carves a thin line between sanity and disappointment.

i have to catch myself though with the word i chose to become the scapegoat for my current duress. Career i realized, is too inappropriate. i have been conditioned to think that career should be a path synchronized with one's passion- with one's purpose for struggling. what i have right now is a job. nothing less and definitely nothing more. ... it is rather ironic to think that what i once thought to be a stint to pass time with is the metal fetter clamped on my foot preventing me from moving forward.

forgive my whining. i have been ranting about my lack of satisfaction for quite some time now. impatience can drive some readers to leave a post in here saying "stop crying and quit!". while i don't like the prospect of that happening, just for the sake of setting expectations, i am as practical as you guys may be. believe me when i say that i have thought all of my options through- sometimes more often than necessary.

what can explain the deviation then? i guess it has something to do with the all too sudden uncertainty that i have felt lately. my securing a job seems to be a badge of honor that my parents so relentlessly vaunt about to everyone. while i am not expected to pitch in with the expenses, the fact that i am self-sufficient is a sign that my parents took to validate that they did something right with raising me. my dad most especially seemed to be most glad with the idea of me working. he considers my ultimate plan to go to law school to be an endeavor "to be prepared for" and not to be sojourned into right away. my parents are so happy. how can i disappoint them? i suddenly thought that it's too soon for me to revert to my usual bum-mode and start asking them for allowance. how about working while studying? no can do sir. i would be caught dead doing both at the same time. i have only one shot at law and i plan on forging the best weapon out of myself during the process- a feat that requires full concentration and unperturbed attention.

so what's the game plan then? i don't have any. i am open to suggestions though. honestly, the whole trip back home was very hard. it felt like i was dragging myself into a place where no promise of relief awaits. i wish i had more time to spend being away from everything. but then again, i'm living the same life as everyone else is living in. i'm no exception to the frailties of this world- while i wish to be so desperately.

my 21st birthday is coming up soon. if someone were to ask what my wish would be, i'd say that i wish i'll find a way for everything to make sense to me.
Friday, November 23, 2007
there used to be a time when i just didn't care. a time when passion drives me to do the things that i want- things that i find fulfillment on achieving. back then, i could just be slightly aware of the fact that my actions are noticed by others. the fact that i am supported is all i needed to know.

retrospection should inspire people. looking back on the things that were, people should find it rewarding how they were able to mature as a person. in my case, it's just depressing. i never imagined that i'll be the way that i am now- bland and uninspired.

i don't have my usual enthusiasm anymore. its as if life has been sucked away from me. i never thought that there will ever be a time that i will refer to myself as boring. sadly, i just did on a number of casual conversations. writing was my creative escape. i often resort to writing whenever i feel that there's a need for me to- which is everyday. more than being just an outlet for my thoughts, i take pride on the results that i deliver. i write something that i would love to read myself. but now, whenever i think of something that could pass as an interesting topic, nothing drives me to write about it. its as if my thoughts vanish painfully in nothingness.

mahirap yung pakiramdam na wala ka nang gana sa mga ginagawa mo. mahirap yung pakiramdam na hindi ka na makalabas. mahirap ang pakiramdam na wala kang magawa kasi ikaw din naman ang pumili nun. loneliness does know me by name.

i have to rediscover myself. sino ba ulit si michael adrid? who is he supposed to be? i really am lost. makailang-ulit ko nang nasasabi sa sarili ko na hindi ako masaya. masyado nang madalas na parang normal na lang. if someone were to ask me why, i wouldn't answer- nakakatamad kasi ang mag-isip. ganun na kababa ang pakiramdam ko.

come to think of it, feeling confined is not something that's new to me. matagal na rin pala akong ganito.

i need to save myself. i have to get out of what i put myself into. i miss feeling genuinely happy because i accomplished a feat i can always reserve passion for. but until then, i'll just have to wait for that moment when i can take pity on myself enough for me to take a brave step forward.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
spaghetti is cooked in a lot of ways: italian, american, arabic, filipino, etc. adobo has been bred to different varieties. each power ranger generation morphs differently than its predecessors and/or those who will come after. point being? i'm changing. i believe i had a previous post devoted to the intricate art of metamorphosis (which i entitled as metamorphosis- the only thing i did that is devoted to the intricate art of metamorphosis by the way). at any rate, working an unconventional shift really has its "side-effects". in my case, i'm turning into an alien.

my first day in GY was horrible. i barely got any sleep and i was dozing off- barely making it through my first break. good thing for my "jetsetter genes" (amp), i was able to get back on the track of normal living , which requires at least 8 hours of sleep, 3 meals a day, and a shower or two. the thing is, while the rest of you guys are hibernating in your shells, i'm busy having the phone slammed on me.

CSR's are known to be overweight, sleep-less, and lung-less beings. i think i'm beginning to join the growing stats. i'm not amused though. i have been preaching wrongly about setting myself apart. that being said, i reckon i am estopped from ever saying something as maliciously nobel as the one i used to preach.

the biggest issue that i'm facing right now is sleep. i usually go to bed by 11am and wake up at 7pm. that sounds okay if you're not doing anything substantial or even plan to do so. my log-off hours are usually the most productive hours not only for most of you average Filipinos, but of the ENTIRE PHILIPPINES AS WELL. talk about getting things done. that is why my presence information is always set to offline/invisible for errands commanded to me by my mum or any other authority beyond the realm of the Microsoft Op's area (see, now i can say Microsoft). i also noticed that lack of sleep can cause me to be uber-irate. you wouldn't want to be near me on an afternoon on a regular workday. even the slightest movement can activate my "bitch" mode (i don't slut around so it must be the other bitch i'm talking about). just recently, i almost castrated some kids who kept on talking while i was trying to get some needed sleep on a bus. i just chose to close my eyes though as i figured i may have to castrate everyone on board who is showing the slightest sign of life- even those who can never be castrated (lucky them).

i will not talk about gaining weight because it is a sensitive issue for all of us- i mean ALL OF US.

i keep on thinking about the distant prospect of going back to school as my only salvation from this enshackling but financially-pleasing situation that i have placed myself so willingly into. i've talked about this with some of the guys from my wave and they all just snorted. by the way, they once referred to me as "USB". i don't know why. but i guess it has something to do with information acquisition through insertion. unless it stands for something else, let that be that owrayt?

only two paragraphs started with the pronoun "I". guess i'm beginning to be less egocentric. note to self: i'm a saint.

i have to sleep now. i wouldn't wanna throw a bitch fit because i lack something i deliberately waived. (make this the 3rd paragraph. oh well, baby steps... just baby steps)

Tuesday, November 6, 2007
following the ordeal of the weekend-that-had-been, i am now capable of letting out a sigh of relief which for a certain time i thought to be a distant luxury i can never afford. i passed certification. despite my dismal appraisal of how i fared during the entire process, i have been credited for the things that i failed to give myself credit for- the things that i did right. anyway, the results were not blatantly announced to us. the QA team just had a one-on-one with those who did not make it. and then as i was trudging along the hallway for my first break, Pam (QA peepz) was pointing to me while telling her friend that i did pass (verbatim: "yan o! pumasa yan"). when i attempted to clarify what i heard, Pam said "wag na, baka lumaki ulo mo". i took it as my confirmation then.

the events that followed fortified my identification as part of the whole Empire program. i made my first three calls. the first call that i made however, is something that i will forever remember. i got a very uncooperative fellow on the line. to recap:

ME: Hi, I'm looking for Cheryl Sam I**moto
GIRL: Speaking...
ME: Hello Cheryl! My name is Michael Adrid. I'm part of your Inside Sales Team here at M******ft. The reason for my call is that I would like to know more about your company and see if M******ft can pose some additional benefits for your organization. Is this a good time?
GIRL: Ahmm, I don't know who you are and I'm not really comfortable sharing that information with you okay? Bye! >click sound<
ME
: Hello Cheryl? Hello...

so that's my first call. pretty traumatic no? but that didn't stop me. i was determined on making my first legitimate call. so after a gruesome pre-call process, i called my next victim only to have the answering machine pick-up. the next call i made initially had its potential if only i wasn't referred to another "more appropriate" person who had his machine answer calls for him.

that's first day on the floor folks! though i'm super tired, i had a fun run during my shift. i'm still havin a few jitters for tomorrow's batch of leads but i can manage- i better be able to.
Sunday, November 4, 2007

1. The person(s) who tagged you
> Marck Macaraeg

2. Your relationship with him/her is...

> classmate; a fellow connosieur of chorale music

3. Your 4 impressions of him/her...

> matangkad--burgis--matangkad--burgis

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you.

> nanlibre ng cupcake minsan, yum!

5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you...

> "alam mo? malamang hindi pa kaya sasabihin ko na..."

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will...

> generic lover naman yan eh. di daw siya fighter

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be...

> ahmmmm.... ahmmmm.... ahmmmmm....

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...

> pagdadasal ko siya... tapos uutusan ko yung mga kampon ko to do something

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be ...

> i don't make enemies, just fans.. lol

10. The thing you want to do for him/her now is...

> greet him "merry christmas" para maaga pa lang

11. Your overall impression of him/her is...

> matangkad na burgis

12. How you think people around you feel about you?

> intimidated... they better be

13. The character you love of yourself is...

> being able to spot that the question sounded awkward

14. On the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are ...

> being irked by the awkward sound of the question.. hehe

15. The most ideal person you want to be is ...

> a power ranger

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them ...

> to all my fans, thanks for all the support through all these years. we had a good run. i hope to have you guys still with me when i release my next album.

17. pass this quiz to 11 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you


1. nealyn

2. pebi
3. jayson

4. keyterin personified
5. janine

6. miriam defensor santiago
7. guz

8. anna
9. au

10. basil yo
11. wilfried


From the list:

Who is miriam having a relationship with? (#6)
- asawa niya.


Is Au a male or female? (#9)

- female and proud to be one

If guz and basil yo are together, will it be a good thing? (#7 and #10)

- naman!
How about Anna and Janine? (#8 and #5)

- naman!

What is Pebi studying about?(#2)

- how to be a fairy-- godmother

When did you last have a chat with Jayson? (#3)

- three weeks ago i guess

What kind of music band does vanity like? (#8)

- no idea... help me out
Does Kuya Julius have any siblings? (#1)

- oo.. sila konsehal reden, kuya totoy, at ginoong randy

Will you woo Jayson? (#3)

- oo... para matakot. wooo wooo wooo woooo ayan na-woo ko na

How about Wilfried? (#11)

- pwede din... kaso ala namang kinatatakutan yang si ginoong formalejo eh

Is keyterin single? (#4)

- ata...

What's the surname of Janine? (#5)

- Fernandez

What's the hobby of keyterin? (#4)

- think of something funny.. i'm serious! trabaho niya yun

Talk something casually about Nealyn (#1)
- she's crazy haha

Have you tried developing feelings for Anna? (#8)

- huwaat?! she's people... we're people

Where does Au live at? (#9)
- i don't know... i'll ask

Are Janine and Wilfried best friends? (#5 and #11)
- if this were another world...

Is Miriam the sexiest person in the world?(#6)
- i might be put to jail because of this... but HELL YEAH!

Saturday, November 3, 2007
setting high expectations is never a bad thing. but thinking too much about them can be bad.

my certification did not go well as i originally planned it to be. i missed out on a lot of things. i don't know what happened. i guess i just pressured myself too much that i forgot about just letting things flow smoothly. there is one thing that i've discovered about myself: once i focused on something so much, i can't afford to have any distractions. what distracted me then from delivering during the certification? i'm not sure. all i know is that being the last to be certified is the most terrifying thing that can ever happen to anyone. my certification took place at 6AM! imagine that... i've had my whole shift spent on just being rattled because of extreme anticipation. it really feels like death row. the fear was so bad that it built-up on me on a dramatic scale. the moment i took the call, i was lost. i have to give myself credit nonetheless for the things that i did right. i know i was able to go through the whole probing well. i just don't know if the things that i did right will be enough to let me pass. i'm so frustrated.

i am thinking of quitting. but what for? my coaches did everything that they can to ensure that we all pass. i wouldn't be paying them due gratitude if i just quit now. nahihiya lang talaga ako sa mga coaches ko. if it turns out that i wasn't able to meet expectations, wala na akong maipapakitang mukha.

the results will be given to us on monday- which adds only to the pain. i'm in a period where waiting for a tragedy to happen seems to be so normal. i can't get used to this. i don't know what i should do. i know that more chances will be provide so that i could redeem myself. i just don't want to give myself that.

napakababa ng pakiramdam ko ngayon. hindi ko alam kung paano ko mapapabuti yung pakiramdam ko. failure has never been really my thing. and i don't plan on making it as well.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
curses! let this day be laden with vocal excursions of profanity. pre-certification is a big PAIN for us. think: catheter being removed from your urethra thrice- kind of pain. we had coaches who did role-plays with us. the unfortunate part is not all of us were able to deliver. only two guys did manage to get a passing score- one of them being yours truly.

should i be happy about it? i know i should. but a big part of me screams to not seek comfort in a performance of such dismal caliber. i've been trained by the best institution in the world (along Faura corner Taft) to outdo standard performance and to constantly stretch the criteria for excellence (heavy no?). the others were telling me that at least i have a strong chance of getting into the Empire program. however, i beg to differ.

its not about being arrogant. it has nothing to do with excessive pride as well. i can't even begin to understand why do i feel like i haven't done enough. there's just this intense need within me to outperform my last stint. i can't just settle for OK.

i'm just blabbering right now. honestly, i have no idea what i'm saying. and i don't think i have the slightest clue of what to say next. my mind is really blank right now from all the thinking. you think working for a call center is hard? think again. the outsourcers really struck gold here in the Philippines. We have a pool of EXTREMELY capable professionals that can deliver world-class services. i'm telling you... what i'm with right now is far more than just simple telemarketing. its really hard when you don't have anything to back it up with. its not hard because you don't know what to say. what made it difficult is that you have a LOT to say, that you end up saying nothing at all (i'm hearing ronan keating). see? blabbering at its finest.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
here's how my shift for today will be like:
  • pre-certification with QA (points to be included: OPPQ Framework and Volume Licensing)- that is if QA comes in early; if not, then
  • 2nd skill check covering all the products discussed plus Volume Licensing (50 items)
  • role-play with people from ops re: call flow; then
  • wait excruciatingly for QA...
it might seem to be just jargon for a lot of you guys. don't worry, i was like that a week ago. too much information can cause serious cerebral blood profusion to anyone. as goes the popular saying in our training: "you have a long way to die". we're supposed to make calls by tomorrow and i haven't even begun realizing yet that this is actually happening. perhaps pre-cert can be my uber-loud wake-up call.

if not for the holiday incentives, i may have already cursed the powers-that-be for putting to such painful an ordeal the likes of me. same time last year i was with my lola and waiting for the resume of classes. now, i don't have that privilege. does it suck that much? not quite... at least all of my efforts are paid- in cash.

i will be cutting this short. i have a ton of studying to do

Monday, October 29, 2007
Rummaging through some pinoy films that i can kill time with while waiting for my next shift, i stumbled upon this video with Rainier Palogan in the cover. I checked it out and put it in here to give you guys an idea of what i was exposed to growing up in UP Manila. For my other berks in college, prepare for a trip to nostalgia-ville

Online Videos by Veoh.com


Wednesday, October 24, 2007
world class worldwide...

2nd day of client specific training is a masochistic endeavor for me. its like punishing myself and getting a hard-on because of it. lousy analogy but nonetheless still holding. one of the things that i have to put up with is the work schedule. fine, i'm used to staying up late but at least whenever i do, i'm within the confines of my room- and im not sharing it with anyone. its not that i have "issues" with people. there are just some things that i can do to stay awake, which i cannot possibly let others know. bottomline, staying awake during the last fraction of my shift is a struggle. i may have consumed immorally the wealth of iced tea in the breakroom as a result of that. my body is starting to get used to it though. i just had a good 5-hour sleep prior to this post and i guess its enough to keep me afloat later.

being with "Empire" (the program's name) is tougher than how i originally perceived it could be. all of my previous perceptions about the industry and the nature of call center agents' work are shattered starting day 1. for one, we didn't have the usual core training for sales. i was expecting accent training and stuff, but since our CST is condensed into 8 days, all the other agent "skills" that we should have are matters for home review. what the CST will be covering on the other hand, are enough to give us some basic understanding of the company that we will be representing. i honestly associate myself more with that company than eTel. i guess its okay since i really have to be in that state of mind in order to start taking in calls to begin with.

i haven't actually shared what i'm supposed to be doing. okay... i'm an ISR (in-house sales rep) and i call up companies that can be potential clients for Company (the name i will use to refer to the program's client to avoid any NDA violation). if you think i will be bombarding them with spiels to make it look like i'm advertising on the phone (to convince these companies to purchase the products of Company) then you are wrong. i actually will take on the role of a consultant- helping the person im engaging on a call to identify what their business problems are. the challenging part is we don't have any scripts because we need to have a genuine conversation with the client. this is vital for that call to translate to an opportunity (our jargon for a sale). you may be wondering where the "selling" actually comes in. well, the surprising thing is that it may not come in. we're into consultative selling . it means getting to know the customers more and providing the possible solution/s to any problem/s that they may have. on the ISRs' part however, our role ends in just helping the client identify what their business challenges are and qualifying them as a potential opportunity. think of me as an "advisor" on the phone. that is why a single call can last up to an hour depending on the probe that will be done. what made the work tougher is the amount of research that i should do prior the call and the paperwork after. complex? that is what the additional complexity pay is for.

i am looking forward to hearing actual calls to know how its really done. i'm super flustered with everything that i'm taking in and i itch to have a venue to apply it to. knowing how the job will be requires that i do it. and this will happen post certification next week. but before planning my behavior once i hit the floor, what i should be preparing for is the dreaded certification. this is a totally different game for me. i'm not into my usual "social science" mindset. i feel like i'm going through some sort of a crash course into something so complex that one needs an entire degree just to be familiar with it. insiders say that it won't be necessary. that i don't know but i'm willing to check it out.